luckily it was not the sunrise country

oh tuhan, i'm soo damn sleepy. i haven't slept for these 2 days. nothing, it's just i can't sleep. my eyes resist to fall into sleep. i know, it's not good for my body for not having enough rest. but how the hell am i gonna force my eyes go to sleep even for 1 second??

my brother had happily flew to japan korea at the moment. he'd leave KLIA at 7.55am. it's just a few hours ago. but we, all 6 of us had to wake up at 2.30am because he had to arrive there early for the briefing. gahhh.....that was the reason i don't sleep these 2days. kinda sleepy but i can't sleep if it's after 5am. i've tried this long ago. after 5am, my eyes automatically wide open and my mind feels super fresh. back to my brother's trip to korea. he's not having fun there doing nothing. he's representating malaysia for robotic competition. well, maybe i'm exaggerating it but it was the truth. i'm kinda envy him naaa....

when i think over it deeply, it's lucky his not going to japan. or else i'll be sulking over him the whole year because of extreme jealousy. japan is my dream country ok. i know it's obvious just because of the fandom and i proudly admit it. i'll be jealous for the japan money that will be on his hands, for the places he's gonna be in japan that was possibly be the places where there's the 5 stormy guys and the 6 victory guys. urghh....i'm soo childish for thinking that sort of ways. i should be happy for him and support him. whatever it is, he's not going to japan. luckily it was korea. phewww....

now, i'm drinking coffee to make sure i'm awake for today. it's gonna be skating day! in less than 2 hours i'll be off to sunway since our plan to go for genting is cancelled because of parents' objection. yeahh....it was my mom. *sigh*

----------edit------------
yabai...my stomach. it hurts soo much after drinking the whole cup of coffee.

ITU SAJA.

benda dah jadi dan takde gear reverse

ok, i got fired straight to the face and causes someone i love the entire life to cry. im reckless.

manusia tak selalunya sempurna. kalau dah terlajak kata, tak boleh nak patah balek kan. lagi teruk bila kata2 tu lahir dari orang yang sedang digelumangi rasa marah. ya, syaitan ada di mana2 saje nak cerai beraikan orang. lagi2 kalau tengah marah, lagi senangla syaitan2 nak buat kerja. minta maaf mungkin tak cukup. menyesal mungkin. aku tak tau nak tujukan kat sape rasa marah tu. rasanya, lebih baek kalau tak cerita kat orang sbb akan dilabel bawak cerita buruk pulak.

sebut pasal dosa dan pahala, aku tak layak nak bincang dalam-dalam. aku pun berdosa selalu. kalau listkan, sangat banyak dan menakutkan. aku juga cuba nak kurangkan dan jangan sesekali putus asa nak minta ampun pada Tuhan kerana Dia MAHA PENGAMPUN.

bila kata2 buruk dah disampaikan ditambah pulak dengan perasaan marah yang lahir dari diri dan dinyalakan dengan hebat lagi oleh syaitan, manusia mula bercerai-berai dan mula nak bergaduh. aku tak suka perbalahan dan konflik. harap2 kata2 aku tak mencetuskan cerai-berai lagi2 bila berkaitan dengan friendship. i treasure it soo much i could give up my life.

note to self: serves me right. i got my own self into trouble. in fact, i hate getting into conflicts. *big sigh*
*is clearing my mind*

heavy feeling

while waiting for my dad to come, i've came across this heavy feelings. this thing makes me feels annoyed. some people they don't feel grateful for what they have.

ada je yang tak kene bila dah ada something yang orang laen takde. apa yang dorang ada tu sangatlah diidamkan oleh orang laen. bapak sengal la bila orang puji, cakap yang dia tu sangat beruntung dapat sume2 tu, then dia pulak kata "aku tak rasa pape pun, tak rasa beruntung pun."..nampak sangat tak bersyukur kan. aku tak reti nak cakap macam mane kat orang yang tak reti2 nak rasa bersyukur kat Tuhan bila dah dapat rasa bahagia tu. bila orang cakap sesuatu yang baek pasal benda yang buat dia beruntung tu, ada je alasan yang dibidas nak tunjuk diri tu tak beruntung langsung. mungkin dia tak rasa perasaan orang yang takde kebahagiaan yang dia ada.

bukan nak point kat sape2 pasal perkara ni. cuma aku rasa tak sedap ngan benda ni. so, just nak ekspreskan rasa tak puas hati tu. manusia tak pernah nak bersyukur. ok, tak kata aku ni sangat baek. kadang2 aku rasa jugak tak bersyukur atas apa yang aku ada. aku manusia jugak, ada cacat cela. mungkin aku taknak pun rasa apa yang dia ada. tapi, tolonglah respek perasaan orang. bila ada seseorang yang luahkan rasa tak puas hati a.k.a rasa tak bersyukur dia tu, aku just dengar. tak reti nak bidas kata2 mereka. aku bukanlah orang yang suka nak lawan mulut ngan orang laen. aku hanya suka mendengar dan berkata2 dalam hati je. kalau mereka dapat baca dalam hati aku ni, i'm glad for that cuz they know i'm not satisfied with that. but don't misunderstood me for liking to say bad things about people inside myself. i just can't say them out loud.

gahh.....i'm feeling hungry!! hoping my dad will come early as he promised me. btw, holiday mode is ON! exams almost over. 2 down and 1 to go. gambarimasuu~~

p/s: this post isn't meant to hurt anyone. i'm not evil.

ITU SAJA.

proses penuaan

terasa diri dah tua sejak akhir2 ni.
kenape? sebab aku dah suka minum air panas.
ape? pelik ke benda ni?
sebab aku selalu anti minum air panas sebagai contoh, air teh panas, nescafe panas, milo panas dan yang sewaktu dengannya.
aku selalu sangat buat spekulasi yang orang yang minum air2 panas ni adelah orang yang da berumur.
sekarang aku pula yang dah terkene penangan betapa sedapnya air panas ni.
aku dah pandai nak minum milo panas dan air panas macam tu je. maksudnya, air suam la.
kalau air panas dah lame tak berlidah aku.
setiap kali aku balek kelas, aku mesti terasa sangat pening kepala, berdenyut2. (petanda penuaan)
aku mula la terfikir nak minum air panas. lepastu terus pegi kiosk(kedai runcit) beli milo fuse.
balek bilik buat guna air panas then minum. fuh, barula aku tau nikmat die macam mane.
sangat menyegarkan dan refreshing. (ok, aku tau. ni maksud die same je)
hilang sume pening kepala aku. denyut2 sume tu pun hilang.

ade lagi satu spekulasi yang aku buat sendiri.
orang yang suka minum air kopi ni selalunya orang2 tua.
maaf ye bagi sesape yang terasa dan mereka2 yang suke minum kopi.
nescafe tu pun kategori kopi kan? so, maaf sekali lagi.
di sini aku nak inform, aku dah suka minum nescafe 'o' sejuk.
sangat sedapp!
kat rumah selalu buat sendiri.
masa 1st time buat, aku letak banyak gile serbuk nescafe tu.
lepastu, bapak pahet!
bekerut2 aku minum tapi minum jela kan.
aku adjust macam2, akhirnya rasa dia sangat ummpphh!
angkat jari beb...
terasa nikmat die....
kali kedua buat nescafe 'o' tu, lagi betambah sedap.
aku da pandai nak estimate ratio gula dan nescafe.
nak cerita sikit la.
ade sekali tu aku buat tak bubuh gula.
pahet nak mampos. nasebla aku aje yang minum.

bila cerita pasal kopi ni, aku teringat masa aku buat kopi untuk abah tersayang.
dia memang suka minum kopi herba faveret tu malam2 sebelum tidur.
selalunya dia buat sendiri je tapi malam tu dia suruh aku yang buat.
dia just bagi arahan je then aku ikut.
aku taktau mane pergi normal sense aku masa tu.
sebab aku pegi bubuh serbuk kopi tu dalam air sejuk! bukan air panas.
tapi, kopi tu larut je macam biase.
abah punyela tiup2 nak kasi sejuk kopi yang 'panas' tu.
then bila dia minum, dia gelak.
abah kata aku ni gila ke hape buat kopi guna air sejuk.
habes satu rumah gelakkan aku masa tu.
maaf ye abah. anak abah ni tengah pikir macam2 masa buat kopi tu.

hari ni bday abah.
so nak cakap la,
abah, selamat hari lahir.
aiah tau, abah da tua tapi still kuat lagi kerja nak kasi kitorang makan.
tapi abah da bersara pulakkan.
ok, kitorang kene kurangkan belanja. da tau da sume tu.
terima kaseh ye abah.
harap2 abah umur panjang supaya dapat beribadah lebih lagi untuk bekalan akhirat nanti.

ITU SAJA.

aku suka kau, aku benci dia

mimpi malam tadi adelah sangat real. kalau lah jadi betol2 kejadian tu, aku orang yang paling bahagia dalam dunia. perkara tu sangat mustahil sampai aku kene kelip mata ulang-ulang kali, tepuk-tepuk pipi sampai lebam, barulah aku percaya yang benda tu memang jadi dalam realiti. tapi masa mimpi tu, terasa macam real sangat2. bangun2 je terus senyum sorang2. gila! sejak akhir2 ni macam selalu je dia muncul. kalau nak digandingkan aku dengan dia, macam langit ngan bumi. memang TAK la. takkan berlaku sebab aku boleh bermimpi je. cukuplah perkara hari tu, aku dah cukup gugup tak terkata sampai boleh blur sekejap. kuat btol penangan dia.

satu lagi kejadian berlaku pagi tadi. pergaduhan dah tercetus pagi-pagi buta. tengah siap2 ni nak pegi celcom center ngan husna, then ada phona call. mak call, tanya nak balik ke tak. aku memang dah nekad taknak balik weekend ni. lagipun sume orang nak pegi kuantan amik adik aku, tapi tiba 2 tak jadi pulak. sebab tu mak call suruh balik. aku suruh seseorang amik aku balik. then, mak kata abg boleh amik. mak pass tepon kat dia. lepastu, aku suruh dia amik tengah hari pukul 12. dia plak, pegi melenting kat aku. aku ape lagi, panas betol. pagi2 dah kene marah. dia kata "apesal tak bgtau awal2 nak balik???!!". bukan aku yang plan nak balik last2 minit ni. mak yang kata tak jadi pegi kuantan ari ahad sebab adik aku dah balik ari kames lagi. aku balas balik kat abg aku, "takpelah. tak payah amik. aiah tak balik". alaaa....kalau dia amk pun cam tak ikhlas kan. pastu nanti bwak kete laju nak mampos. then kat umah dok membebel kat aku. then, sume benda jadi tak betol. dia jela yang betol. ok, ape2 je lah kan.

semalam lagi la aku berhangin. ada makhluk Allah yang sangat baek ni, dah amik nama aku. ok, terima kaseh la mintak autograph semalam. rasa terharu pulak ada orang minat kan. kau memang sangat baek hati. orang laen sume macam tengah sibuk nak pegi kelas, balik kelas penat2, kau pulak dok betenggek kat depan tangga tu mintak autograph orang. aku kagum la ngan kau. macam takde keje sangat nak buat, dok mengampu je. dahla macam hari2 aku kene mengadap kau sebab bilik kau dua tiga baris je ngan aku. kau nak tau, aku rasa cam nak hempuk je ngan bakul mandi ni bila nampak kau jalan kat sebelah aku. ok la, disebabkan kau pun ada pride, aku tak nak buat. nanti kau dok mengampu lagi kat ofis tu. aku ucapkan, semoga kau bahagia hidup mengampu orang ofis. oh ya, petang tu jugak dia pegi report something kat xxxxxxx. aku tengah study circle ni, tapi telinga aku memang jadi besarla nak dengar ape yang kau report. memang power betol aduan yang dibuat. kau hebat. semoga berbahagia ye!

ok sangat penat membebel bebel tapi sangat best. lantak la orang2 kat atas ni nak terasa ke ape. lagipun aku tak sebut bulat2 nama korang. pandai-pandai la nak react camne. tapi, orang yang kat atas sekali tu, aku suka kau tau!

ITU SAJA.

lab session transformed into art session

i lost my handphone cable so i can't upload any pictures. been searching for it up and down but the result is very frustrating. still can't find it, it's nowhere to be found. the most frustrating is the internet connection. i really need it to be the most excellent tonight because today is very important for me! it is the birthday of someone out there who doesn't even know me but i'm very much interested in him.

i got biology lab class this morning. it was an art session. why? because we need to draw like thousand 10 pictures of skeleton. that's too much for someone like me who only know how to draw orang lidi. i'm being serious here. drawing is troublesome! i wonder how madam fazlina will react seeing my drawing. everyone was like very dedicated during lab session today. they all showed their drawing skills which somehow awed me. i can't draw as good as them! i tried to draw the rabbit mandible or better known as lower jaw. you know what, i end up tekap it from the real sample. LOL! i just wanna get the clear figure on the mandible. it's a big success. *evil laugh* the rest i'm gonna draw it based on the lab manual. i cannot draw it on the spot. we supposed to examine the sample and draw it during class but i refused. then, the clock strike 13:00 hour sharp marks the end of lab session for this week. i wrapped up everything and went to get my lunch. oh, i just finished the mandible drawing only.

p/s: bile elaun nak masuk??

ITU SAJA.

i'm off to JAPAN PENANG tomorrow???

penang is not near ookkkkk. it takes almost 6 hours to get there. i mean, by car not by flight. if it's by flight it will takes only 45 minutes. it's troublesome laaa.....i don't wanna go tomorrow!! really really don't want!! please lah understand my feelings.

there's an event at penang tomorrow. my 'orang jaga', her daughter is going to get marry. 'orang jaga' here means the person that took care of me when i'm a child, not even entered school yet. she's the one who's responsible to take care of me when my parents going for work. it was like more than 10 years ago. urghhh.....what should i do to not follow them tomorrow?? i don't know what excuses to give for this kind of situation. they'll worry for my lunch and dinner. that's all. nothing much they'll be worried.

i feel like i'm still a kid who do not know how to manage myself. i am 19 year-old collage girl ok! i can manage myself well!! my weekend is over!!

ITU SAJA.